I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
