just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
