I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
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