i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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