i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
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