The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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