You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
