haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
