2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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