Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
