I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
