After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
