no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
