the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
