Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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