Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
