I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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