I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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