I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
