i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
