And the cops told us we were all naked.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
