On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
