I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Randomize
