btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
The feeling are messing with the penis
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
