and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
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