Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
