My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
