His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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