So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
