Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?