She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.