Dude, just got a bummer.
A blow job from a homeless chick.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty