Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Did you just see the Batmobile???
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
