Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
