I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
