he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
