there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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