I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
