Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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