I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
