new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
