Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
