i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Randomize
