dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
