dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
