Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
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