I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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