He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I woke up under a house in Key West
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
