I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
