oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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