Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
