Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
just tell him i said nine months
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
they're like a gay fantastic four
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
