I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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