real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Someone signed my nipple.
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