I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
