just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
