U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
