i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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