Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
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