i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
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