I need help removing her.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
