just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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