I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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