He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I just googled if crying burns calories
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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