I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
farters have to be the big spoon...
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
