It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
