i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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