I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
