Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
