bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
