I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
they're like a gay fantastic four
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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