I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
In other news, I just burned my penis
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
