12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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