Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
