If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
