what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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