I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Randomize